right or wrong, I'll take Jesus

We need to stop looking at Christianity as dualistic sets of ‘rights’ and ‘wrongs’ - for a Christian, there can only be one ‘right’ and that is the good news of Jesus! For a Christian, there is only one ‘wrong’ and that is to know Jesus but not allow him to transform us. What would happen if we, as individuals and as a people, began to re-examine the things we believe are ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ under the  magnifying glass of Jesus? 

-Zonoma

Then GOD

I’m supposed to be dead (or at least drooling).

In recovery 6/2003

Nearly ten years ago, I was diagnosed with a brain tumor that should have left me a drooling, limping parody of myself, assuming I lived. Instead, God healed me and when they opened me up they found only a desiccated and calcified mass where there had been a viable, entrenched tumor only the day before. That isn’t the story I want to tell today but it is important that you know I experienced a very real physical healing. 

I have been healed. I understand the power of a good and gracious God and of accepting whatever it is that God allows to come your way. I understand how to give thanks in bad circumstances. Then, as so many of us do, I forgot.

Sometimes, that’s what happens after the miracle.

I had a lot to live for.

The fourteen hour surgery in which they used a chisel to pick away at the now-dead tumor had some pretty severe consequences. I left the hospital with a new diagnosis: epilepsy. I had terrible seizures. They left me breathless, panting and paralyzed on the entire right side of my body for hours and hours at a time. I would only start to regain some tiny fraction of movement in my fingers and toes before the next seizure would hit. I was devastated. This new fear was more than I could handle – not knowing when or where the next one would strike was horrible. It was days before they found the right cocktail of drugs to control these attacks and, when they did, the medicines were awful in their own right and caused me to gain weight, lose my hair, and – eventually- fall into a deep depression.

Enough background. More story.

Trauma opens doors to things that Jesus came to free us from and Christians fall prey to things like depression and fear, too. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. While everyone who knew my story up to that point was still singing praises to God for the miracle, my life was absolutely ruled by fear. I never knew when the next seizure would strike and I lived for two years as a shut in- afraid to drive, afraid to boil water unless another adult was home for fear my toddler would try and ‘help’ if I had a seizure and burn himself or his brother. My nightmares were endless. Instead of being thankful for the miracle, I began to resent God for the seizures. I was okay with dying, but that wasn’t good enough for God! And, instead of becoming a drooling, limping parody of myself, I became an embittered and hateful perversion of myself.

Then God.

Then God  (and now you know the story gets good because now it is His) had mercy on me: this bitter, tangled and scribbled-on creation of His. He found me standing over a pile of dirty underwear, with a fist full of dryer lint and whispered, “This is not who I intended you to be.”  He told me to get over my fear and remember what I was called to: the hope, the courage, the joy, the sheer glory that was Him. When I worried my husband would leave me (because isn’t that the curse of women and the great lie of the enemy?) God told me that He would take care of my children and I because we belonged to Him and He didn’t need a husband to do it. Then, I can’t describe it in any other way, except that He breathed courage into me.

I began to obey. I started training my children as if every day were my last, I started praying again, I started studying the Word, remembering.  I started living thankfully again. Do you know what happened after I began to obey and give thanks? God healed me of the epilepsy, too. But that isn’t the biggest miracle. Let me show you something- When I was preparing this entry, I found an old journal and this excerpt from August of 2003, struck me as somewhat prophetic:

“Everybody looks into the mirror but nobody notices the mirror itself. They are naturally drawn to the image reflected in the surface. So through this [difficult season], my 'look-at-me' personality must be sure to say instead 'look-at-God'. All it takes is a little tilt. God is, perhaps, trying to shift my axis."                                                                 

I firmly believe that the biggest miracle I have seen in my life is this heart-change, this shift of my axis, this turn to thankfulness and obedience, this God-life that now thrives where my broken life used to flail its tiny, closed fists against the world. This God-Life is a restored and healthy marriage, it is children who love and are loved, it is a broken dream re-made, it is a renewed call to ministry, it is a second chance to reflect what is important instead of what is broken. It is the ability to find what God is doing in the middle of this messy world and get on board.

So, if we are mirrors- and we are!- what do we reflect? Do we reflect the troubles, strife, and ugly ingratitude of this world? Or do we reflect God and all that comes with Him? Justice and mercy, unbridled joy and soul-rending sorrow, humble obedience and fearless pursuit of the Father’s Will? Is it possible to change our axis? I believe so because I’ve lived it. It took years, but I was finally able digest the enormity of what happened to me and the lessons learned from that season are so far-reaching that they still show up in my own desert places, fresh manna for today. And I am so very thankful for it. 

Why is this so important to me? First and foremost, this idea of giving thanks was important to Jesus.

Eucharisteo – It is found throughout the New Testament 39 times. To offer a little perspective, the word euangelion which is most often translated with phrases like, “Good News” and “gospel” only appears 76 times in the New Testament and that's the theme of the New Testament!.  Jesus gave thanks often and publicly, as well as often and privately, to God. It’s enough to make someone wonder why.

I think it stems from the Garden where ingratitude and distrust became the foundation from which Satan launched his assault on this world. When we remember to thank God – for the small, specific things as well as the bigger, broader strokes – it loosens Satan’s hold on us. For that matter, if we give thanks we are no longer reflecting what is wrong in our lives but what is Good and what is God. We reflect God’s goodness into this dark world! We loosen Satan’s hold on the world and thankfulness becomes a vessel of the Kingdom of God – putting God’s rule and reign front and center in our lives for any who care to see.

When we can find something to be thankful for, it opens our eyes to another and another and another. It is in these seemingly barren landscapes that our souls are nourished. It is when this broken and messed up world tries to starve our spirits that God sends manna from Heaven and we can choose to eat it and be nourished or to close our hands and hearts to what He brings and waste away. It is in these difficult times we learn that God is good, all the time, no matter what is happening around us and even to us. 


You are invited to the table. Come and eat. The meals here in the Kingdom are never the served the same way twice.

Happy New Year!

Christmas time of 2011, I ran across these glass pears while shopping and God used them to nudge me. 2012 will be a Year of Fruitfulness for you, I felt him say. So I bought them and spent most of 2012 thinking that either I was crazy or God was because it felt anything but ‘fruitful’. Rather, it felt like a year of stretching for my heart. My head had lots of knowledge but my heart had not yet been given chances to apply it.  I guess that is the essence of ‘fruitfulness’, spiritually speaking because it’s easy to do the right thing when there’s no resistance. As soon as those waves start rolling in from the shore, though, watch out! Now you get to sink, swim, or walk on water.  So, without further ado, these are the lessons I learned from  2012:

Gentleness. Gentleness should never be under-rated either as a virtue or as a tool. It is the ultimate forgotten virtue in our culture but the ministry of Jesus cannot move forward without this healing balm permeating our actions, words, and thoughts. It has the power to turn conflict into community. 

Confidence. I learned to be more confident when I hear God’s voice because I was right, even when I thought I might be wrong.

Humility. I learned to be humble because even when I got it right, I was wrong. Hearing God's voice and having the wisdom and experience to do something with it are two very different things. Oh have great care, my friends! We see though a veil, not face to face.

I am with God, God is not with me.  Before you preach at me, let me explain! When my boys were young they would tug at my arms in the store to get to the aisle they wanted faster and I would stop until they stopped pulling and tell them, "You are here with me. I am not with you."  This year, I felt God telling me much the same thing and I’ve been especially careful to Stop! Collaborate and Listen (yeah, I went there) before moving forward. If God isn’t leading me there, I don’t want to go.

Friendship. I learned that God prepares a place for me now just as he did when I was younger and just as he will when this world passes into the next.  I learned that part of that preparation is people. Beautiful, messy, and treasured people.

Mostly, though, I learned a deep appreciation for my own two feet. I have learned that no one can do things like I do them. I learned that I am strong. I woke from my long sleep and remembered who I am and that I love power tools, chickens, philosophy, bad sci-fi, puppies, poetry, and music- everything from Gershwin and The Doors to  LeCrae with his no holds barred poetry and compelling melodies. I don't really care for cooking and canning but a well maintained garden makes my heart sing and, if you want to make me happy, then buy me a pack of new markers and a sketchbook. In short, I have finally found my Voice and I can’t wait to use it in the coming year to invite people in from the cold. Welcome to the new year.

-Zonoma

just ask

Do you want to know how a follower of Jesus should live? Ask just about anyone except a Christian. Ask a Buddhist, a Wiccan, a Hindu, or a Muslim. Ask a pagan or an atheist. Don't know any? You might want to start there.*

-Zonoma

*If I am fortunate enough to have any spiritually minded non-Christians reading this blog, feel free to chime in. This is a question I love to ask from time to time myself.

Year of Invitation

It’s Christmas time and the tree is trimmed, the stockings are hung and the smooth sounds of my favorite holiday jazz album are filtering through the house. The small nativity set that my mother gave me sits in a place of honor in the living area. I keep it where the boys can reach it and often catch my youngest son playing with baby Jesus or rearranging it into scenes that come alive in his mind. Recently, I noticed that he rearranged it so that no one could see the baby Jesus figurine because of the wise men crowding around him. I reached out to change it and then stopped and wondered, “Did the wise men get out of the way when they were worshipping so that others could see the baby Jesus, too?”

Do I?  Do you?

Mary did. Even in her exhausted and vulnerable state, Mary understood that the child she bore was not for her- He was for the world. So it was that when the world showed up on her doorstep before she could even find proper attire for the child-god, she did not hide him but rather invited the world inside her sanctuary to worship. Can we do any different? Let us be inviters in the year to come. When the world darkens the doorsteps of our homes searching for something small that they cannot name, let us show them Jesus. When the world finds themselves in our neighborhoods,  when they come smelling like unwashed shepherds and weary worn from their trials and long journeys of their own making then let us, like Mary, throw the barn doors open and let the light spill into the streets. Let us invite them in to our safe places to worship with us.  

“Sovereign Lord, as you have promised,


you may now dismiss your servant in peace.

For my eyes have seen your salvation,

which you have prepared in the sight of all nations:

a light for revelation to the Gentiles,


and the glory of your people Israel.”

-Simeon’s Song, Luke 2:29-32

Whatcha-Got Stew

My children and I have a summer tradition. At the end of the month, when money gets tight, we fix a giant pot of “Whatcha-Got Stew”. The kids go out to the garden and find the last of the carrots or onions or cabbages- whatever they can find in the overgrown, weedy mess of a late season garden and then come running inside to share what they found. It usually isn’t much- a carrot here, half a small red onion that escaped the early harvest there. If we’re lucky, they even find a potato or some self-sown spinach. While they’re outside, I’m digging through the bottom of the freezer looking for a little bit of meat- and I do mean a little! Whatever we find, we throw in the stew pot and then the boys take turns tasting and seasoning while I make noodle bits.  We never fail to have enough for the family on the nights we do this and, even better, it’s never the same. 

If I can take the small offerings of my children and turn them into a tasty, filling meal- how much more can God take our small offerings and turn them into something amazing? This is what it is to be part of his grand story of redemption- to bring God what we have, to say, “Here I am with my little bit. Now, what’s the plan? I’m in.” So next time he asks you do something scary with the little you have, remember Whatcha-Got Stew and take a chance. God takes what we have and fills us –and those around us- up. I don’t know how, He just does.