Happy New Year!

Christmas time of 2011, I ran across these glass pears while shopping and God used them to nudge me. 2012 will be a Year of Fruitfulness for you, I felt him say. So I bought them and spent most of 2012 thinking that either I was crazy or God was because it felt anything but ‘fruitful’. Rather, it felt like a year of stretching for my heart. My head had lots of knowledge but my heart had not yet been given chances to apply it.  I guess that is the essence of ‘fruitfulness’, spiritually speaking because it’s easy to do the right thing when there’s no resistance. As soon as those waves start rolling in from the shore, though, watch out! Now you get to sink, swim, or walk on water.  So, without further ado, these are the lessons I learned from  2012:

Gentleness. Gentleness should never be under-rated either as a virtue or as a tool. It is the ultimate forgotten virtue in our culture but the ministry of Jesus cannot move forward without this healing balm permeating our actions, words, and thoughts. It has the power to turn conflict into community. 

Confidence. I learned to be more confident when I hear God’s voice because I was right, even when I thought I might be wrong.

Humility. I learned to be humble because even when I got it right, I was wrong. Hearing God's voice and having the wisdom and experience to do something with it are two very different things. Oh have great care, my friends! We see though a veil, not face to face.

I am with God, God is not with me.  Before you preach at me, let me explain! When my boys were young they would tug at my arms in the store to get to the aisle they wanted faster and I would stop until they stopped pulling and tell them, "You are here with me. I am not with you."  This year, I felt God telling me much the same thing and I’ve been especially careful to Stop! Collaborate and Listen (yeah, I went there) before moving forward. If God isn’t leading me there, I don’t want to go.

Friendship. I learned that God prepares a place for me now just as he did when I was younger and just as he will when this world passes into the next.  I learned that part of that preparation is people. Beautiful, messy, and treasured people.

Mostly, though, I learned a deep appreciation for my own two feet. I have learned that no one can do things like I do them. I learned that I am strong. I woke from my long sleep and remembered who I am and that I love power tools, chickens, philosophy, bad sci-fi, puppies, poetry, and music- everything from Gershwin and The Doors to  LeCrae with his no holds barred poetry and compelling melodies. I don't really care for cooking and canning but a well maintained garden makes my heart sing and, if you want to make me happy, then buy me a pack of new markers and a sketchbook. In short, I have finally found my Voice and I can’t wait to use it in the coming year to invite people in from the cold. Welcome to the new year.

-Zonoma

Access

I am a firm believer in legacy- I believe if we don’t take the time to allow others access to us and all that we are, then we are missing the point of this whole thing we call ‘life’. Thus, my goal in living ‘Open’ is to allow the ones God sends me to take the best of me and learn from the rest of me.  As a result of this belief I am always on the look out for that special ‘someone’ that God lays out for me to spend extra time with and invest in.

So it was that a few days ago, when I felt prompted to contact a new friend and tell her that she could feel free to call anytime, I didn't hesitate. Her reaction to my text was to call me immediately (which confirmed for me that I really had heard the Holy Spirit instead of last night’s pizza).

I didn’t do anything, mind you, except give her permission to contact me without worrying about being a ‘bother’ but it was something she needed to hear. She needed a reminder that God cared about her day to day life in a significant way. I dare say that my words brought hope.

I don’t think many people recognize the incredible impact made by the simplest of gestures or words when they are inspired by the Holy Spirit.  When I was a young mother there was a time when I was stuck in the hospital, having just come out of a 14 hour long brain surgery, plagued by seizures as my brain adjusted to the removal of a large tumor. The seizures were so intense that they would completely paralyze my entire right side for hours at a time. Just as I regained movement in my fingers, another seizure would strike. After two days of this, I looked to my mother who was at my side and the family friend who had come to pray with us and confessed, “I think I’m all out of faith.” My mom’s quick and firm reply was, “Don’t you worry about that. I have enough faith for the both of us.”  At this, I was able to shed my tears and again hope that God would come through. My mom understood that not all gifts are tangible. Sometimes, you can only give the gift of a peaceful presence.

Right before Jesus died, he told his disciples and friends, “I do not give to you as the world gives.” As we endeavor to pass our lives on to those God sends our way, it is easy to forget that in addition to practical skills, acts of service, and conventional wisdom, we have something that is worth more than gold: our time and our presence. Jesus taught prayer and ministry and theology, yes. But the truest gifts he gave those he mentored were His time and His peace. Don’t be shy about calling someone up and asking them out for coffee or ice cream. Exposure to us will teach more than mere words in an email- it will teach them to ‘not be afraid’ of life’s storms.

-Zonoma

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”

-John 14:27

right vs true

Love remembers that it doesn't have to be 'right' to be 'true'. Cherish your loved ones.

-Zonoma

in the springtime, when kings go to war

I found myself falling in the last few months, putting off my quiet times until “later” and “after the kitchen is cleaned” or “after the chickens are fed” until “later” becomes an exhausted realization as I close my eyes that the day is over and I never connected. It’s become a nightly ritual, “God? I’m so sorry. There’s no excuse. Let’s meet tomorrow.” Except that the next day is no better. I rush from meeting to meeting, chore to chore, and then –zombie-like – I flip from channel to channel and fall asleep again, apologies on my lips. 

This morning, as I was trying to scrape together enough energy to take a shower, I asked, “God, what’s wrong with me?” Immediately, a verse came to mind and with it came a disturbing understanding.

“In the springtime, when kings go to war.” (2 Samuel 11:1)

I don’t know about you, but anytime the Spirit answers me with the opening salvo to David’s biggest “oops” I sit up and take notice. Honestly, I didn’t think I was that bad off. And maybe I’m not. But the choices I’m making are becoming consistently more self-centered and less God-centered. I suppose that’s what happened with David, too. Not only David but countless men and women who were following God and then woke up one morning to realize that, simply put, they weren’t. Not where God wanted them to go, anyway.

If I am so out of step with God that I cannot even recognize my disobedience for what it is, then you might as well call me David because when we stop chasing God’s heart we don’t stop chasing. We simply chase other things. We end up completely unfulfilled at the close of the day, wondering, “God, where were you today?” Worse, we may wake up in a bed where we don’t belong, or engaging in activities that we shouldn’t, or enslaved to addictions that God didn’t choose for us. All these things- every one of them- begin (for believers) by not being where we are supposed to when we are supposed to be there. In the springtime, kings go to war. In the springtime, husbands go home to their wives. In the springtime, mothers care for their sons. In the springtime, ministers put down their ‘work’ and go home to the greater covenant- their families. In the springtime, children spend time with their fathers.

Except that I have not. Life has been so good, so pleasant, so mild. I’ve spent far too long on the rooftop admiring the stars and the still air instead of going inside to spend time with my Father. I’ve committed many good things to my heart and the Spirit gives me insight, discernment, wisdom, and knowledge. These I carry with me. My Father still speaks to me and uses me. During the springtime, I prayed for people and they were healed!  But it’s not enough. I need HIM. I need the daily, intentional contact- beyond the prayer (because I pray all day long)- I need to take time to snuggle with my Daddy, to listen to His voice not because I’m trying to discern the right path but because I love His voice.

And I do. I do so very, very much love His voice. It is the only melody that can soothe this ache deep within my soul. How I’ve missed it so! My life has become a series of transactions without His infusion of Grace and –now that I recognize it – I find it repugnant, unacceptable. I want to go back to living within the symphony of His plan, instead of the harsh monotonous monologue of mine own plan. It is a far, far more beautiful existence that he has for me and I will only experience it if I choose to go where He calls each and every day, beginning with the long silences on the little white couch in my studio. It’s springtime, and it’s time for this “king” to get off the rooftop and “go to war”. 

Road Rage

I was driving home yesterday and started complaining about another driver and told them (read: shouted at them) to return to driving school to learn how to park. At that point Captain Awesome asked me who I was talking about and I replied, "That woman who parked so crooked that we could barely get out! The one trying to make my life miserable!!" 

His reply?  "It's only miserable if you let it be."

PWNed by an 11 year old. At least I know he's listening but it wasn't much fun having my own words thrown back at me with a calm, cool, and collected voice. I can't figure out whether that's a parenting win or epic fail.